At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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