I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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