I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
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Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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