Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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