i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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