$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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