Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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