We're facebook friends in real life
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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