so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
