Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
