I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
