Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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