3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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