hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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