That's intense
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
