Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
