nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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