At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
