um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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