I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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