I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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