Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
