He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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