why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
