you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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