Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
