we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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