My cat gives me a boner
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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