I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
