I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
