C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
