you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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