I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
