I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
