Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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