guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
