Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
