did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she pinky promised me she was 18
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
