miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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