Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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