i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
