every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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