Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
