your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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