marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
