I look better un-naked...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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