I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
