and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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