Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
