I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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