I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
