Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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