I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
