ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
