the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
