Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
